Relationships

Keeping magic after marriage and kids

On June 25, 2022 by margheviviani

How to keep the magic after marriage …and especially after having kids. Here in Italy, I see many couples losing very easy their magic just right after getting married. And is very sad. I know it might be not easy sometimes, but it’s also not so hard.

I also know how tough it might be right after pregnancy when a baby arrives. There is no time to think of magic, just please let me sleep. You two are so overwhelmed in the middle of all those diapers, and cries, you are simply busy being a parent. We were there too.

I can even tell you, that when my daughter was around 3-4 months old, I just went crazy. I don’t know what was that, maybe the happy hormones start lowing down and the tiredness accumulating. But we had a very very hard first year, I think especially my husband.

Once we said if we marry we marry once. And we want to do all our best to keep that magic as on the first date also after 10..,20..,50 years of marriage.

Plus I know, I need that fire all the time, otherwise, I get bored too quickly. And a few important moments will help to remind you of such a great couple you are 🙂

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Go for dates, without kids

Leave your kids with grandparents or nannies just for one evening. You two were here first, and after arrived your kids. So remember about the importance to stay together in private. You can even make a rule, that one day a week you spend time only with your partner. Ether entire day, or evening, do what suits you better. Go to dinner, or for a small trip, or even a simple walk, something that is also easy, just to spend that time together.

Remember about your marriage duty

Here mean sex. It must not disappear from your life, even after kids, even after many years. Try to be attractive, especially at home. Stop being dressed who knows how. Take care of your body, keep your hair clean and beautiful, you might use just a little bit of make-up and perfume also at home. And dress nice, maybe choose a little bit sexy dress for sleeping, instead of pagama with teddy bears. I take it as my responsibility to discharge my man sexually before he goes out of the house, or when he is back home.

Keep improving yourself instead of judging your partner

Just make yourself e better person, inside and outside. If something doesn’t go well, and you find yourself only judging your partner and seeing the negative side. Turn on yourself, and try to see how you can improve yourself first. Your partner will notice it and will to do a step forward to become better too.

Talking, but also listening back

Keep talking to each other, not yelling or picking. But just simple talk, low tones, good mood, confident and sweet face. About everything that worries you, or makes you happy. Ask your partner about his/her feelings or needs. And be patient and compassionate, listen to your partner and try to hear exactly what she or he means.

Share the life, but give also a space for each other

Sometimes we might spend too much time together. In this case, try to understand when your partner needs a space. Or you two might even say it. And both of you must respect needing of each other. Ether you wanna stay just alone, or meet your friends or family without your partner. Maybe even organize a small trip. Is always a special feeling when you start missing your loved one and waiting when you two to meet again.

Do activities together

Train together, cook together, travel together. Do something that both of you like to do, and never forget about it. You must share happy moments all the time.

Just live that magic inside yourself first

I think the most important is to feel that magic of your life, of yourself, within yourself. And then everything becomes special. Practice awareness, meditate and study spiritual philosophy and be happy inside first. Then your happiness and love and magic will be spread around.

The last thing I would like to add… the magic you must feel from the very first beginning with your partner. You must know what it means for you and search for it, first inside of you. Then in the relationships. But you must be fulfilled and satisfied with yourself first, and then the right person will come. Because, if the magic is lost quickly, maybe is simply the wrong person. Don’t be scared to stay alone, but fight for your happiness.

For the ones who is going through some difficulties I recommend this Save Your Marriage System created by a veteran of marriage therapy Lee Baucom.

Don’t be shy to share a story of your marriage. Contact me here or leave the comment below about your tips on keeping the magic.

With love,

Marghe